Please make cache directory writable.
Mulberrys
St. Albans
London Road
Home From Di
City Council Job ...


A bloke goes to the local council to apply for a job in the office.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine."
"Have you ever worked for the public service before?"
"Yes, I was in the army." he says, "I was in Iraq for two tours."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points towards employment."
Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A mine exploded near me when I was there and I lost both of my testicles".
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O.K. You've got enough points for me to take you on right away. Our normal hours are from 8.00 am to 4.00 pm ... but you can start tomorrow at 10.00 am - and carry on starting at 10.00 am every day."
The bloke is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8.00 am to 4.00 pm, why don't you want me here until 10.00 am? I'm not looking for any special treatment y'know"
"What you have to understand is that this is a council job," the interviewer says, "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our bollocks. There's no point in you coming in for that."


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Witness Eradication.


One Friday, a hooded robber burst into a bank and, at gunpoint, forced the tellers to load their cash into a plain brown bag.

As the robber approached the door, one brave customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealing the robber's face.  Without a moment's hesitation, the robber shot the customer.

He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him.  The robber instantly shot and killed her also.

Everyone in the bank, by now horrified, stared down at the floor in silence.

The robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?"

There was a long moment of dead silence in which everyone was terrified to speak.

Then, one old Australian named Bernie cautiously raised his hand and said, "My wife got a pretty good look at you ..."


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Confessional Box


A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.

He hears a priest come in: "Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be".

The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot. You're on my side."

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Five surgeons...


Five surgeons are discussing who were the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon says, 'I like to see Accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'
The second responds, 'Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is colour-coded.'
The third surgeon says, 'No, I really think Librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'
The fourth surgeon chimes in, 'You know I like Construction Workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.'
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two moving parts - the mouth and the a***hole ... and those are
interchangeable'


 

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The first 'senior moment' on record




... and that’s what happened to the dinosaurs!

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Hawaiian Vacation


Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation.

They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a 'drop dead gorgeous' topless blonde came walking straight towards them ... They couldn't help but stare.

As the blonde passed them she smiled and said 'Good Morning, Father. Good Morning, Father,' nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits.

Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous topless blonde came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them and said 'Good morning, Father. Good morning, Father,' and started to walk away.

One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young lady.' 'Yes, Father?' 'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are?'

She replied,

'Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen.'

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Best bartender in the world?

From Ukraine's Got Talent ...

I'd still be more impressed if he could serve me a round of beers in under minute ... but that's just me!

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Another great advert!


Guess what this advert is for!





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Walking on water...


Irish Family Tradition

Paddy, had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Paddy's, 18th birthday came 'round, he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Paddy, stepped out of the boat ... and nearly drowned! Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Paddy, went to see his grandmother. "Granny," he asked, "It's me 18th birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like me fa, his fa, and his fa before him?"

Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled brown eyes and said, "Because your fa, your grandfa and your great grandfa were all born in December, when the lake is frozen - you were born in August, ya idjit!"


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Shopping on a budget ...


Where did she put the case of beer?




Don't try this at home ... or when out shopping!

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Get A Life ...


Get A Life!

Grab a cup of coffee...



Dine out at your favorite restaurant...



Spend some time at the museum...



Meet at a popular diner...



Relax at the beach...



Go to a game...

Going out on a date...


Take a drive around town...




Sad but true!


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Everybody on Earth was dead ...


Everybody on Earth was dead and waiting to enter Heaven when God appeared and said "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their households and the other line for men who were dominated by their women.  I want all the women to report to St. Peter."

Soon, the women were gone and there were two lines of men.

The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.

God said to the long line, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves; I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose!  Out of all of you, only one man obeyed.  Learn from him."

God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."


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